| Take Me to Summer Side~ |
[Jul. 10th, 2004|08:43 pm] |
Today I went to the beach with my mom, her BF Jeri, and my little brother, Ethan. It was a blast! The boat ride there was boring so I listened to INVOKE over and over again by T.M. Revolution. ^^ I am totally in love with that band, especially the lead singer Takanori Kishikawa! Anyway, getting off topic. So, yeah, the boat ride there was boring as hell, but I lived through it.
When we got there, I immediately threw off my clothes (I had a bathing suit underneath my clothes ^~) and went into the ocean. My mom and Ethan soon joined me as well while Jeri went to change into his bathing suit. So, my mom, Ethan, and I were splashing around until I got splashed. I looked at my mother so I splashed her back. Then I got splashed again, so I then splashed my mom again, then I looked up and this guy was smiling at me and he splashed me again.
I was blushing, from my mom's and brother's POV. He kept on smiling and splashing me. So in other words, he was flirting with me. I soon said hello to him and he said hello back. After splashing in the water with my mom and Ethan, I got out and sun bathed. I read a couple of manga books that I brought with me and listened to the Nightwish CD that Jordan gave to me before I left.
So, I laid in the sun, getting a sun tan, and listening to my CD player when a couple of other guys started to check me out and look at me. I didn't really pay attention but I soon noticed there were a couple of guys looking at me in the "she's sexy" kind of way.
It was because of the bikini I was wearing so I officially called it my "Lucky Bikini" so whenever I went to the beach, pool, or somewhere like that, I would wear it. My mom, Ethan, and Jeri, were still in the water, splashing each other and having fun. They soon joined me and laid on the beach towels or beach chairs with me. I soon got hungry so I asked my mother for money and I went to the concession stand to get something to eat.
When I went there, more guys were checking me out, and the guy who was at the concession stand was also staring at me affectionately. I soon walked off quickly with my food and went back to where my mom, Ethan, and Jeri were. I mean, I already HAVE BF, who's name is Tenshi, and I love him dearly, so I felt weird with guys checking me out. But my friends are use to this kind of stuff, since they're ultra pretty. Although I think I'm pretty, I cant compare to their beautiful. But as my mom and dad say, I have a natural beauty.
I after I ate the food I got, I continued to read my manga books and continued to listen to my CD player. I soon got bored of reading manga and listening to Nightwish, and I went back into the ocean. I swam around in the water and going underneath the waves. After doing that for a little while, I got out and since my bikini was sticking to me, more guys were checking me out and I already had a tan, so I looked beautiful, well, that's in my opinion I bet, and maybe to those guys.
I love getting attention and all, but it feels weird when I'm the center of the guys' attention, not to mention with me wearing my Lucky Bikini. So, I soon sat in the beach chair and continued to get tanner, with of course, listening to Nightwish. I don't know how long I sat there in sun, listening to Nightwish, but it must of been a long time since when I got out of my seat, my mom, Jeri, and Ethan came out of the ocean. Jeri was going to talk a walk along the beach so I asked if I could come.
So we started our "journey" across the beach. When I was walking, more guys were dazing and looking at me and I think even one guy was actually drooling. I think I was swaying my hips too much and because of my Lucky Bikini. But yet again, I was wearing Jordan's T2 hat that he gave me, so I looked sexy. That reminds me, when Jordan get's on, I'll tell him guys were drooling over me because I was in my Lucky Bikini and wearing Jordan's hat. Before I left camp, we argued who looked sexier in Jordan's T2 hat and of course, I said me, because I am sexy to begin with. LOL.
Yeah, and thus starting our special friendship, lol. Well, I am getting off topic, talking about Jordan's hat and the fights, talks, and walks we had together are just bringing back so many memories, both good and bad. I should definately change the subject since I will be hysterically with tears again like yesterday.
Apparently, I was talking to Jordan and we got into a fight so I have to go since the phone is ringing. I'll finish the rest of the story tomorrow.
~Ariel-chan~ |
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| Crying a River~ |
[Jul. 8th, 2004|10:01 pm] |
I just two phone calls from two of my closet friends who are still at camp. The first one was Jordan and we talked about stuff and he made me feel better. But then, I got a call from Monica. Everything started okay but soon she said it would be best if I didnt come back to ILC next summer since if this would happen every summer, my friends wouldnt put up with it. And then my friend Pokie aka Megan got onto the phone and told me the same thing.
It felt like a slap across the face. I wanted everything to get better so I could come back to ILC next summer but it seems that Megan and Monica dont want me to come back. But my mom told me that that the camp director told her that I was sent home because of Monica. She said Monica was hysterically in the bunk before I left and that made everyone else in her bunk upset too. My mom told me that Camp director heard it from her consuler in her bunk.
I'm just so confused right now. I thought things were going to be alright but it seems that I am going deeper into this "abyss". Is it because of Monica and Megan? Is their words really making me fall deeper into this "abyss"? I just dont know what to do anymore. I sit here, writing in you, crying a river and listening to "Over the Hills and Far Away" again. The lyrics seem to sooth and calm me down.
They came for him one winter's night.
Arrested, he was bound.
They said there'd been a robbery,
his pistol had been found.
They marched him to the station house,
he waited for the dawn.
And as they led him to the dock,
he knew that he'd been wronged.
"You stand accused of robbery,"
he heard the bailiff say.
He knew without an alibi,
tomorrow's light would mourn his freedom.
Over the hills and far away,
for ten long years he'll count the days.
Over the mountains and the seas,
a prisoner's life for him there'll be.
He knew that it would cost him dear,
but yet he dare not say.
Where he had been that fateful night,
a secret it must stay.
He had to fight back tears of rage.
His heart beat like a drum.
For with the wife of his best friend,
he spent his final night of freedom.
Over the hills and far away,
he swears he will return one day.
Far from the mountains and the seas,
back in her arms he swears he'll be.
Over the hills and far away.
Over the hills and,
over the hills and,
over the hills and far away.
Each night within his prison cell,
he looks out through the bars.
He reads the letters that she wrote.
One day he'll know the taste of freedom.
Over the hills and far away,
she prays he will return one day.
As sure as the rivers reach the seas,
back in his arms he swears she'll be.
Over the hills and far away,
he swears he will return one day.
Far from the mountains and the seas,
back in her arms he swears he'll be.
Over the hills and far away,
she prays he will return one day.
As sure as the rivers reach the seas,
back in his arms is where she'll be.
Over the hills,
over the hills and far away.
Over the hills,
over the hills and far away.
Those are the lyrics to the song and the song is doing a VERY good job of calming me down, but I am still crying. I have a bf who I met online and I am talking to him and I told him about Jordan and he now thinks I'm cheating on him. I told him that I only love him and I only think Jordan as a friend, nevertheless that he has a gf as well. And I keep telling him that but he's not answering me at all and I feel even more miserable than I did before.
Everything is my fault, everything. I feel so stupid, I try so hard to make everyone happy but I fail dearly. Two of my closet friends dont want me to come back because they think its the CAMP that makes me have these thoughts and my bf thinks I'm cheating on him with my friend Jordan, can the freakin' nite get worse?! *sighes* At least now I've stoppped crying a river, so I guess thats alright.
Well I got a call from my mom that she would take me to the beach this weekend and hey, Nightwish is having a concert in NYC in August and I might go and maybe my friend Kay would tag along as well and that tomorrow I'm going to Ricky's. Well, at least I'm looking foward to some good things tomorrow.
Well, I'm off to write more of JLOAW and hoping that my BF will answer me back and everything will be alright.
~Ariel-chan~ |
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| Aftermath of a Problem~ |
[Jul. 8th, 2004|08:42 pm] |
Every since I was kicked out of camp because I was suidicial, I feel miserable. I wish I was back at ILC, having the time of my life but no, I was sent home. Even though, I had problems like being suidicial and depressed at my old school, I thought they were solved but heck, I was wrong. So now, I am home for the rest of the summer. The nite before I left for home, my friends cried and said it was their fault.
I felt just awful, because it was MY fault. They watched over me and made sure I was alright, not leaving me alone for a second. Now, I'm at my dad's house, writing in here. I got an email from Monica and that she and my other friends are worrying over me. Hopefully, they'll call tonite or email me later.
I feel like I want to run away again, since I almost did that in school before. Now, I have to go to threapy twice a week and maybe go on anti-depression pills. I always thought my Geodon was anti-depression pills, but I was wrong about that.
Well at least I'll have some quality time writing fics, drawing anime and realism, write in here, hang out with other friends, and figure out my problem.
I keep on listening to Nightwish's song "Over the Hills and Far Away" over and over again. I dont know why I am listening to it over and over again, maybe it just reminds me of my friend Jordan, who I met at ILC. He got me into the band and ran after me when I was about to drown myself in the lake. He picked me up and swung me over his shoulder and I kicked and screamed but he didnt put me down until we werent near the lake.
I hope my friends forgot about my problems and the shit they went through with me. Asides from one of my popular fics on the fanfiction.net getting deleated, I'm pretty pissed.
Well, I better start cracking on re-writing on JLOAW (Juliana, Lady of the Anime Worlds) again. I'll write more tomorrow.
~Ariel-chan~ |
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